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| Wizards gives me neck problems sometimes too, cute puppy. |
| Why So Colorless-uh? |
| If you're not a Marine Biologist, or you didn't get a coveted middle school education, Starfish don't regenerate into friends they can hang out with. But this one does, apparently, and I do want to play it. |
| This had to have been a joke, and WotC must be laughing. I get it though- There just aren't enough Goats to go around. |
Anyway, consider yourself prepared. This is our Stack.
Oh yea. A green instant. And a Rare at that. Limited Edition Alpha ladies and gentlemen. Idea: We rename Natural Order to Natural Selection. Then we never speak about the card formerly known as Natural Selection.
Venser's Journalist- THUMBS WHAT???
What disturbs me more than this card's mechanics is the eagle-headed-tiger-man holding the red ball. Is he playing cricket?
Johnny Confidant- THUMBS DOWN
Odd card, wrong color, and interesting artwork. Granted that this card was created at the start of the game back before all that color theory and flavor was implemented it probably got played once and then was discarded from then on.
Now we have cards that fateseal, mill or even do this exact effect (Dimir Charm) that operate in both better flavor and theory. one thing is for sure, early years of magic were weird.
Uncle Landdrops- NO, I WILL NOT TASTE THAT APPLE, EAGLE MAN
This card feels like a bad trip. I don't even know if he's holding an apple. And if I want to shuffle my library, I will play Rampant Growth or Cultivate.
(GG: I always hoped it was a tomato. Possibly a killer tomato.)
UNCLE LANDDROPS' PICK
I've actually re-written my response to this because I felt that swear words just weren't worth it for this card.
Instead, two things:
1) There's only one other Rigger creature.
2) Like this Rigger, he doesn't assemble Contraptions.
And three more things:
1) I feel like Chinese Democracy II is gonna come out before this card becomes relevant.
2) If an actual set of cards comes out that makes Steamflogger Boss relevant, I hope there's some guy in a forum that's all like, "Yes! Finally! I've been saving my playset of Steamflogger Bosses for years!"
3) I don't have a playset of this card, but I sure hope to God I'm not said person on said forum. What a nerd.
Johnny Confidant- FUTURE THUMBS UP
I listened to MaRo's podcast about the future sight block and they had quite a lot to say about this card and the "Contraption matters" function. The R&D team is probably kicking themselves over this card due to the fact that these cards were printed in theory of possible future mechanics. This card was conceived as a joke then got attention after being previewed.
Seeing as nothing creates contraptions and these cards come from the future, hopefully this actually turns out to be useful.
Grandpa Growth- THUMBS DOWN
Time Spiral block was a shallow grab for fans and revenue at a point where the game was suffering due to the general mediocrity of R&D. Listening to Aaron Forsythe talk about how poor TPF was as a limited format basically confirmed all my suspicions about how little foresight they have when it comes to design. On the surface this block had everything you would want: old cards you loved, classic ideas re-imagined for the modern game, and new things you haven't seen before. The execution, unfortunately, was so forced and so inelegant.
This card is an obivous plant made to get you excited about a future set and to stay with the game and keep buying packs. I don't feel that way when I see this card. I actually don't like goblins, steam-punk themes, or giant robots so this is a total miss for me. I have a feeling it is powerful though. Getting two of something when you only paid for one has historically been a great way to run away with a game.
Venser's Journalist- WHERE ARE MY THUMBS!!!
Not here at the moment, like those pesky Contraptions. They took a lunch break.
Some of the Fuse cards have good effects in combination, but this one's got a bit of a problem. Catch is an any permanent Threaten. Release is a sweet removal that works with what White does best, indiscriminate destruction. For 5URRW (9) you can steal a permanent, then everyone sacrifices one of each permanent rendering the benefit of stealing anything relatively moot.
Uncle Landdrops- Oh, Fuse Cards...
The silliest part about Catch and Release, aside from the fact that I get to make obscure references about Jennifer Garner straight-to-DVD releases, is the fact that most of the other Enemy Wedges seem to make sense. Red White and Blue never seem to find the right blend. I think Ruhan is probably the closest thing they've gotten to finding the right blend. And if you've seen this card, you know that's saying quite a bit.
Grandpa Growth - THUMBS DOWN
JC has a point, the halves of this card don't exactly create a 'combo'. To be fair that has been a thing with split cards in the past. There are several examples where the two disparate halves are useful in divergent situations. E.g. Spite//Malice. Fuse would seem to imply that we can use them together and should if able...but the Fuse is absurdly over-costed. Overall this card is just a giant joke. Maybe this is the Dragon's Maze version of Steamderper whatever thing.
Venser's Journalist- THUMBS DOWN
Overpriced and not even close to what an MTG rare should consist of.
VENSER'S JOURNALIST'S PICK
I can't stand Rosewater's Squirrel fetish. What he makes up for with his writing quality he lacks in having cool ideas. Squirrels are represented as a 1/1 Green creature within the game. So are adult Elven druids WITH MAGICAL POWERS. This card furthers the ridiculous gap between mechanics and flavor by not only implying that a pack of squirrels can fight a Grizzly Bear, but that each additional squirrel moves it up an entire point on the P/T progression, which I assure you is non-linear. Ask yourself a flavor question: What should be bigger? 20 some-odd squirrels or the world-eating airborne alien squid monster.
Venser's Journalist- THUMBS TWIDDLING
I am thoroughly unimpressed with this angry mob of squirrels. I see them everyday on my way to work. They just aren't intimidating. So I don't see how a mob of squirrels is supposed to stop your opponent in his tracks. In EDH, forget running this guy. He has nowhere to go, except with the less than twenty other cards that produce/run off squirrels.
If only there was a legendary creature that revolved around squirrels...
 |
| ... AWWW DAMN!!! |
Johnny Confidant- THUMBS DOWN
Here's a terrifying concept: Squirrels becoming the new Slivers... Yikes..
Uncle Landdrops- Squirrels Should Not Be Cards
I've always looked at Squirrels in Magic as the Unglued/Unhinged Creature that snuck its way into real R&D and no one seemed to care.
Still, I like the idea of Squirrel tokens. Any time we can put funny-named counters or silly creatures into play that aren't actual cards, I'm down- I just definitely don't think they should be actual cards.
But if they have to make a Squirrel on a card- It should be Secret Squirrel. Cause making Rocky means you'd have to make a Bullwinkle.
I guess this should have some message about how we don't like derpy cards.
I can't speak for my TGZ homies, but I don't really want them to stop making derpy cards as much as making sure that we don't end up with unuseful nonsense.
Okay. Stepping off the soapbox before it becomes another article.
Grandpa's got a really great Sunday lined up for us as he continues to talk about Pauper EDH. It's his first actual concrete deck list, so you'll want to see that. It's pretty cool.
Oh, and it looks like John Beard found your boat, WotC.
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| Don't worry- A Wizard Husband and Wife can't be charged with the same crime. |
-UL
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