Landdrops' Least Faves: 5 Cards I Don't Want To Play Against

Happy Thor's Day Zoners.

JC's off today, so you've got another dose of your Uncle again, and I've got some cards I want to talk about.

The title of this article does in fact say, "5 Cards I Don't Want To Play Against," but even that will warrant some clarification.

To me, the cards in the list I'll share with you soon are a lot like the way I feel about 80's metal band Def Leppard. Cause if I never have to hear the sappy riffs, crappy lyrics, and handicapped drumming in tunes like "Photograph," "Hysteria," or "Pour Some Sugar On Me," I'd be one happy dude.

I single out Def Leppard, but there are a lot of other bands and songs that I'd rather not listen to any more for one reason or another. Either way, I'm sick of it, and I'd rather just avoid it altogether.

Is it highly logical that I could walk into a store or watch TV or flip through the radio and hear any one of those boring 80s dinosaur tracks? Sure. There are always things beyond my control, and I have to accept that if I turn on a classic rock station and the mediocrity of Leppard or Foghat or Ratt or Van Halen just happens to be the next song in queue.

Still, I will do everything in my power to prevent listening to this nonsense, including leaving the store, turning off the TV, slamming something heavy into my radio, and if all else fails, the "Earmuffs" trick Vince Vaughn so wonderfully conditioned his children with in the movie Old School.

Easily one of the best Movie Dads of All-Time.

I think that pretty accurately describes my relationship. I get that these are cards in the game, most of them aren't ban-worthy, and that people play them. Heck I own or have owned some of them, even played with them, and I'll play against them if I have to. I just think we can play a much better game without them, and that's all I really care about.

So if you want to play these cards be warned- In response, I will blast some painfully awful music whilst we do it. I've heard Metallica at loud volumes can get even the most reluctant terrorists to come out of hiding. Your chances of getting Metallica though are pretty slim-to-none. It's probably going to be Cher-gaeton, a combination of Cher and Reggaeton.

Anyway, here's my list. Let's start with Dishonorable Mentions.

Blightsteel Colossus
I'm not so upset about this card. I get what it does, there are answers, and blah blah blah. I think this card is silly, and I don't see it a lot anymore because people get appropriately hated, and it creates preconceived plans around games that no one in our group is interested in. Cause although we might know what's in each other's decks, I'd much rather like to approach each game with a more opportunistic point of view versus having to attack someone because I know that if I don't, they're going to do the same thing they did last game, which is combo into Blightsteel. It's just not the kinds of games we remember, and it's not the ones that are interesting.

Mindslaver
I don't like this card, but I recognize its merit. Without Academy Ruins, it's one of the more difficult combos to pull off, so I get that. I also think that what the card does could be inherently fun if you wanted it to be. I like what this card does, just not what people actually do with it.

Iona, Shield of Emeria
I've done some busted nonsense with Iona. Back when I played 60 card magic, this chick was a blow out with Polymorph before Emrakoul. Like Blightsteel, she's got answers I guess. Still, not everyone can or should be playing Duplicant or Brittle Effigy or O-Stone or All is Dust in their decks. Sucks you have to build around her like that though.

5. Rhystic Study
Eff this card. A while back GG did a segment on cards he thought were particularly overplayed. To me, this is enemy number one.

Don't get me wrong. I love drawing cards. I do it all day, and I think there's definitely a place for this card. But it's NOT A STAPLE.

In fact, you're probably better off with Temple Bell, and definitely better off playing Consecrated Sphinx. Cause when the going gets tough, Rhystic Study doesn't get going. When someone's ready to go off, chances are they've already prepared to add an extra mana to the cost, and in a longer game like EDH, Stax is really super-irrelevant. Removal is everywhere, and even if I let you draw cards off Study in the early game, chances are the decks that play this card don't actually have the design necessary to make me pay for letting you do so. So if you won't stop playing it because I don't like it, maybe you should cut it for a Divination which you can time better to create tempo. That's what wins games.

4. Enter the Infinite
A friend of mine went off on this card in a 1v1 match against me a couple weeks ago. It was honestly the first time I'd played against this card, and seen it in a match. Overall, I just find it to be tiresome and boring. It turns decks into designs focused on trying to resolve this spell, and if that's what your deck does, make sure you have another deck to play next game. This card doesn't even secure an instant win a lot of the times, which is silly. Hopefully, you'll just be as bored as I am with this goofy combo.


3. Sorin Markov/Magister Sphinx
I'd hoped that maybe winning and losing to these cards might have people so bored that they'd try new things. However, in the past few months, I've seen these guys in action.

And let's be real right off the bat, Markovians- Unless you're super lucky, you're never playing either of his better abilities first.

Again, I get the reasoning. However, to me these cards signify a shortcut way for non-interactive players to continue to have little to no real meaningful interaction with other people. Cause if they're behind because they haven't done something all game, now all said player has to do is Diabolic Tutor for one of these and play it next turn.

Like I said. I get that people like these cards cause they keep you in the game. But wouldn't you just rather show up from the start, continuing to have ongoing interactions, versus not doing anything til Turn 6 or Turn 7, slamming one of these guys, and lame duck-ing your way to a lackluster victory? All wins are not created equal. The ones we work hardest for are the most fun. Neither of these cards are part of that paradigm.

2. Avacyn, Angel of Hope
I played this card for a little while, then ended up selling it because I was bored.

This is definitely a strong card made stronger by the upcoming rules changes. Now in multiplayer, people with Clones get to create Wrath-free board states, which makes this card almost "ban-able" when we consider what just happened with Trade Secrets. It's not collusion, but it's going to create ultramega stalemates that I'm not too fond of.

Stuff on the banned list often gets to be so because the RC doesn't like the way the game is then centered around a particular card. Prime Time, Grizzly-Bizzly, and Sundering Titan are all pretty decent examples of this. I predict this might be a thing for our brightest Helvault resident.

1. Exsanguinate
So many games are won on the back of this card now it's getting to be annoying. I played this card a lot when it first came out, and I have to say I am responsible for the reason it has infected my current playgroup.

Honestly, I'd much rather lose to Death to the Deathless (aka D to the D). It's a harder color combo to play anyway, and though it's absurd as a card, it makes a lot of sense.

I know being "bored" isn't exactly a reason to ban something, I just want people to take it out of their decks for a really long time, until I almost forget about it. Then you may play it again.

Till next time, practice drumming with one arm, start a fake fraternity, and for god's sake- don't let your friends play The Mimeoplasm.

-UL