Don't write us off quite yet.
We're not gonna eat the world quite yet.
This week we decided to talk about the cards Goldilocks might've found in that third cup of porridge. Not too hot, not too cold, we think we've found some of the most lukewarm, mediocre cards there are in our own special sort of Mediocre-ist segment.
GRANDPA GROWTH'S PICK
That is to say thumbs up/down is a binary system and we are specifically looking at things that fall between expectations of good and bad. Thus, rendering judgments with thumbs seems a bit unwieldy. I am going to think of it like this: thumbs up means it is appropriately mediocre. Thumbs down means I disagree.
I think this is mediocre mostly because of the expectations surrounding the card when it was printed. Gerrard was THE hero of the magic storyline for years leading up to the eventual conclusion in Invasion block. Being that I was still relatively young at the time, I had a lot of built up excitement to see what kind of uber-gross format-warping card he was going to be. Needless to say, I was let down. This is the rugged adventurer man who flew on an interdimensional airship to collect pieces of a super weapon to destroy the god of a living machine race. He kills Volrath. He kills Tsabo Tavoc. He watches Crovax fall to the dark side to become the new Evincar of Rath. He watches Mirri die. He watches Darigaaz die. He fights Urza in Yawgmoth's arena. The final casualty in the Brothers' War. He is just a regular guy and he squares off against the most powerful planeswalkers ever. AND HE WINS...In theory. This card doesn't exactly do him justice.
Venser's Journalist- BIG TOES DOWN
Assuming that you'll have tons of mana, your opponent will have tons of cards, AND you'll be attacking much with a 3/4 for 3WW, he can be good. The card itself is no game winner. Had Wizards made his mana cost 1 less and his ability cost two less, he wouldn't be half bad. Hell, if you gained one life for each card in YOUR hand he'd be alright (a more utilitarian Journal, if you will). I, however, have yet to appreciate Gerrard, awesome storyline aside.
Johnny Confidant- THUMBS UP
If your a fan of lore like GG is for this guy, then you're probably more disappointed than worried about its ability's. As far as a card goes, I can't even think of a situation where he would be useful in standard, or in EDH and the sad thing is there are commons that do more than he does.
Uncle Landdrops- THE MEDIOCRE-IST KID U KNOW
GG told me this was his pick a few weeks ago and we had quite a laugh. I find it's the perfect example. I can't think of a more mediocre card, really, and I tried. I went through Gatherer trolling random cards and came up with a few, but none compared. From a flavor perspective, it's tragically ironic. From a functional perspective, it's hilariously bad. It's perfect.
UNCLE LANDDROPS' PICK
I know people think this card is awesome because it's part of some serious EDH combos. I think it's the pits. When we combine, the score is middling.
The price tag on this card is "too damn high," which is why its mediocrity by most of the Magic Community is disguised. Even now, with p-dubs, I don't see a whole lot of room to explore with this guy. There just aren't a whole lot of abilities I'd want to replicate, even with fetches, Vorel, etc. "Ain't nobody got mana fuh dat."
Johnny Confidant- THUMBS!
I'll take illusionist's bracers over this, less hate, easier on the wallet and better in flavor. The flavor text insinuates that you're GOD! Why not, right?
Grandpa Growth- THUMBS DOWN
I have mixed feelings about this card. I wouldn't play things like this, but that is because of personal taste. I don't think this is an appropriate card to label as mediocre because it is so polarizing, both in terms of opinions and in gameplay. When you are going off with Rings, it feels unfair. When you are not going off, it is worse than having played nothing. That is inherently not mediocre. Comparisons to Illusionist's Bracers are fair. I like to file both the cards and hundreds more like them in the "Too Cute' Cabinet.
Venser's Journalist- THUMBS BAD, FIRE GOOD
I find everything about this card bizarre, especially the artwork. Not to mention the fact that in most cases, copying a spell is way better than copying an activated ability.
Putting Enchantments on lands is mostly a waste of mana. For three you could have Phyrexian arena, but for all intents and purposes, this is Phyrexian Arena that reads ''1, T, Pay 1 life: Draw a card''. I'll admit that it can be beneficial for decks that don't want to pay 1 life in a mandatory condition.
Although I don't think this should be a rare, if this were an uncommon I could see this being not so mediocre and just your above-average uncommon.
Uncle Landdrops- EWW
This is a card I was semi-excited about when Ravnica initially came out. I like having things to do, and I like to keep my mana open, so I thought, "Hey, I can make this card work!"
I was wrong. This card is horrible- and I almost never say that about things that say, "Draw a card." Debate about rarity aside, I think Underworld Connections is just bad. My disappointment will trump any objectivity, but I find it to be worse than mediocre. It's a Turn 4 Arena that now makes everything you might want to play cost one more mana, while also making it completely vulnerable to Strip Miners. Gross.
Grandpa Growth- THUMBS DOWN
I don't know if I could see this as an uncommon. The original was too high up the power curve. The fixed version is too low. It's more like the 'fixing' that happens to dogs as opposed to the fixing that occurs when your roof leaks.
Venser's Journalist- THUMBS UP
I wouldn't say that enchanting a land with the Connections is a waste of land; in fact I see it as doubly useful. If you already have a Phyrexian Arena in your EDH deck, why wouldn't you want an Underworld Connections as well? Card drawing is a necessity in most blue and black decks, and I say, more power to the neutered Phyrexian Arena!
VENSER'S JOURNALIST'S PICK
It's a 2 drop 2/2, no abilities, no nothing. In essence, this is the definition of mediocre, since it's got a power/toughness that you'd expect for a 2-drop and it brings nothing else to the table. It's not terrible because it has a reasonable cost for what it does; but, it's definitely no guildmage/something awesome like that.
Johnny Confidant- THUMBS UP
This takes me back to when I used to mob the field with Lions, Tigers, and Bears for little more than 2 mana during my first month of Magic. The first time I ever played magic I wanted the best creatures that I could get out for the least amount of mana and these 2 cmc guys were my go-to's.
Uncle Landdrops- NO CIGAR, BUT CLOSE
Many people consider this a mediocre card. I can't. Maybe it's because my curve is skewed a little towards EDH, where "ain't nobody got time fuh dat," but I think he's one keyword from this place. When I first started playing Magic, I might've agreed. A lot has changed since Alara block though, and I think it'd have to have Vigilance or Shroud to carry its weight now.
Grandpa Growth- THUMBS UP
I have had a pretty long history with bears. I was there when people started calling things bears. When I first began playing Magic this was actually a pretty good two drop. Heck, Ironclaw Orcs won a pro tour. This guy is just OP. Back then the game was simpler. Games revolved around who had the better spells, not the better strategy. Card availability was a real issue (although we hadn't started calling it that yet) and without the internet you'd never even see half the cards in a set. Serra Angel was the best creature. Necropotence was legal...and "bad". Creatures who had power equal to their converted mana cost were strong. I remember wishing for a vanilla 5/5 for five and thinking it'd never see print because it was too good.
Do you agree with us? Do you think we're too silly? Don't be afraid to let us know what you think about our assessments on The Stack!
Stay tuned for GG's all-new Super Secret Sunday tomorrow, and if you're a Dad, Happy Father's Day, and I'm terribly sorry for you. Till next time.
-UL
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