It is a fairly typical Saturday morning, so it's time for your favorite weekly round of judgments on TGZ.
As promised, we've got the other five Dragon's Maze Guild Champions to talk about. We've got Weird Wizards, Vanilla Elfs, and all kinds of big nonsense to discuss.
I would've had Lou Bega bless this one with another verse, but I think you'll soon see why he took a look at most of these and went, "I would not Mambo with these bitches."
So if you'd like to see the ones he did Mambo with, check out last week's installment here.
Alright, well, I know it's Prerelease weekend, and you're counting down seconds now, so no memes, no gimmicks, we'll just get to it.
THIS IS THE STACK!!!!
| "Melek-a-liki-maka" is Wizard's way to say Merry Christmas to Spells. |
With a few cards that interact with the top-card I like that something of interest finally arises. Lands on top, Nice. Creature on top, sweet. Instant or Sorcery, then double it? awesome!
Uncle Landdrops-THUMBS UP
I like this card, and I hope it inspires some uncommon deck designs in EDH. I expect nothing less from a Weird Wizard.
Venser's Journalist- THUMBS UP (For the most part)
This guy will make your Capsizes better and your Twincasts useless, unless you're casting Mizzium Mortars, then casting Twincast in response. Melek is great in terms of giving you an extra card in your virtual hand, but I think his flavor is one that will take some work building around, not to mention you only get a 2/4 without flying for six mana. Izzet players will love him.
Grandpa Growth- THUMBS UP
So, in talking about whats-his-face of Hull Clade I mentioned I like when R&D explores the concept of an individual card as long as the idea still feels original. I like this guy for the same reason, but the originality of Future Sight variants is wearing pretty thin. Particularly when the flavor doesn't make one lick of sense. Is he seeing the future and and splitting reality in two like alternate timeline theories?
Venser's Journalist- NOT SURE
Now this elf is not terribly exciting and I am disappointed in Wizards for making this a rare and a seven-drop. However, the possibility of building a deck only utilizing creature tokens exists, and she'd find her niche in that deck. For me, though, she can't offer much.
Uncle Landdrops- THUMBS DOWN
For you cinephiles, yes, this is a quote from the very lackluster Rob Schneider film, "Deuce Bigalow Male Gigolo," which was also a huge disappointment. There's way too much space in this textbox for such a big Elf. Not sure why you'd pick her before any of the other GW legends. Jasmine Boreal included. Bad Ability is Bad, erego Bad Card is Bad.
Johnny Confidant- THUMBS NEUTRAL
Disappointed once again from what the book version of her was to what she is on card stock. Beyond that there are just too many things wrong with this card. GG made note of 5/7 for 7 Cmc which is bad for just a token damage prevention. While she alone would be bad for commander her pairing with a Ghave, Guru of Spores Token madness Edh deck could make good use of her. while I agree that she is a tough cost for one ability (Hell Sigarda, Host of Herons is a 5/5 for 5 with Flying, Hexproof and global sac prevention) she just isn't a "bad" card. Girl just need's to discover her place in the world :)
Grandpa Growth- THUMBS DOWN
Wizards has a hard time appropriately costing big creatures. A 5/7 for 7 isn't really a thing. Sexy Hexy is a common and it isn't even a particularly strong common. This is rare and has a bunch of silly rider text. And the flavor text is silly. Uncle Landdrops, we should have saved the good legends for the second article. There are only two good things about this card: Bansai and big ti-I mean...trees.
| Battalion on a lone Champ leads me to one conclusion- Boros. Gonna. Cheat. |
He's cheaper, quicker, faster, stronger, Un-Doom-Blade-able. You know, everything that Daft Punk says, which should allow you a nice setup opportunity without all the targeted removal that'll come with her. This card makes me want to play Boros, which I haven't done since I failed so miserably with Razia in the early days of my EDH life.
Venser's Journalist- THUMBS UP
I have to agree with UL on this, Tajic begs to be handed a sword...or eight. This card has mad appeal in terms of Commander damage, and all you really need to make him effective is Trample or Flying, easy to do with all the equipments that exist in the MTG world.
Grandpa Growth- THUMBS DOWN
Wizards has a hard time appropriately costing things that are indestructible. This guy is White and could actually benefit from Vigilance. Of course he doesn't have it. Flavor judge wants to know why the Boros would send in a champion who needs a bunch of friends to be good. He is, in fact, going to 'run the maze alone.' I am pretty sure the military arm of Ravnica would employ better strategy.
Johnny Confidant- THUMBS DOWN
Something that's oddly similar to Odric, Master Tactician only Red with Built in Indestructibility.
| Depressed Stares right back at ya, gurl. |
Wizards has a hard time appropriately costing irrelevant crappy cards that no one really cares about. Vigilance is the Schrodinger's Cat of (not quantum) mechanics. There is basically no predicting which creatures will have it. Or the Spanish Inquisition, when those guys show up, no one expects it. OR cops in New York: only around when you don't need one. That's three valid metaphors for one terrible card. I don't get paid enough for this.
Venser's Journalist- NOT SURE
I know lately I haven't been sure about many things: the meaning of life, next idea for a novel, where to get a paying job that I won't hate. But Wizards shouldn't be making me more uncertain about cards. This one in paricular has two really good things about it and two really bad things about it. The good: protection from creatures is awesome on a general and makes for a great win con. Vigilance, although not always necessary, is nice in the event that you're running low on defenders. The bad: she's only a 4/4 and you have to pay 5WB to play her. At least give her double strike and an ability that actually does stuff (Drogskol Reaver, you are my favorite 7-drop 3/5). Her flavor is not something that can be incorporated into a valid strategy; it serves more as a "don't hit me" sign. Teysa, what happened to you?
Uncle Landdrops- THUMBS DOWN
Teysa's trying to be Vish Kal, but we all know she can't. Mechanically, it's also contradicting. There's no focus on this card, and it's a big bummer for people who actually like Teysa 1.0, in my opinion. From all angles, this card repulses me in every way. Really disappointing.
Johnny Confidant- THUMBS NEUTRAL
First off I'm a bit confused with the wording as to who gets the 1/1 token. Vigilance and pro creatures is pretty neat in my book plus adding Dread's ability to it is fine by me. Unfortunately her previous form provides such a good control field and i'd more than likely run 1.0 if at all.
| It puts the mushrooms on his skin or else he gets the hose again. |
Scavenge is something I didn't see as EDH potential, Exiling a card unless its Misthollow Griffin just seems wasteful. So giving every creature scavenge globalizes the problem. Unless your playing this guy to dump creatures into your graveyard to exile them i can't see him in play at all.
Grandpa Growth- THUMBS DOWN
Wizards has a hard time appropriately costing cards that interact with the graveyard. Flavor foul number four on the day: I don't see not one scar. Check out that art though, this dude looks like he just ripped the spine out of some poor joe's back Predator-style. I think it is interesting to see how card art has become more serious in style than it used to be. Compare to Golgari Grave-Troll. Var-lolz doesn't look silly. The humor is much more subtle now. Does he like mushrooms on his pizza I wonder...?
Uncle Landdrops- THUMBS UP
Art-wise, Varolz looks like a sweet Bowser movie
make-up for a live-action Mario Bros. flick. Ability-wise, he's almost as likeable, though he's similar to Skullbriar on the GB Totem pole. Hopefully, they can be friends so your Skullbriar can win super-fast. Varolz is probably better as a supporter Legend than Commander, but I don't see why you wouldn't want to build him. He looks like a total badass so I would pay the Troll Toll. There are ways to combo out and get quick kills with him, like with Death's Shadow and Phyrexian Dreadnought.
Venser's Journalist- THUMBS UP
Finally, a card that has self-synergy: just add chumps. Like any good troll, he can regenerate; but wait there's more! His regenerate cost actually helps the first scavenge ability out. Really, this troll only needs other creatures in order to be a beast. That and Rancor. Rancor belongs in every green deck, so sayeth the green oracles.
VJ's right, and the same goes for every article where we talk about big green-style nonsense beaters.
So ENTER RANCOR!
Anyway, we've got some really great stuff for you this week on TGZ. With Dragon's Maze out at the end of next week, GG's been writing up a hilarious set review, and it will probably take the place of my little Tuesday column.
So tune in Tomorrow when GG kicks off this three-part series on Dragon's Maze cards. It really will be worth your time.
Try to check out TGZ on a couple of our off days later in the week too. I'm not really sure how it's going to impact the schedule, so we might be giving you a few special posts this week.
Till then, don't steal from Sebulba, let the Wookie Win, shut down all the trash compactors on the detention level, use the force as necessary, and for the Love of God, don't let Jar-Jar have any more
screen time.
And Good Luck With Prereleases!
Solve The Maze, Save The World!
-UL
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