More Like, Commander's Arse-hole...

I hate when I'm in a good mood and it suddenly goes sour.

That's what happened when I finally saw the full spoilers for the Commander's Arsenal set to release this Friday, Nov. 2nd.

I'm pretty sure only the Queen of the Naboo (and because she's Natalie Portman, part of my heart) can properly express my pain.

Wizards of the Coast, you've made me and Natalie Portman so terribly sad.

When word came around about this wonderful package o' goodies, I knew it was going to be steep for anyone's budget (including mine) at $75 MSRP.

I thought the worst of my problems was just going to be dealing with the 10 big cards.

Instead, what was once reasonable barriers for copies of Sylvan Library and Scroll Rack have now become an insurmountable quest.

In the words of Grandpa Growth, I ask to Design Team Lead Mark Gottlieb,

"WHERE WERE THE PARENTS AT?!?!?"

Mistakes were made last time, and I know they haven't been living in Iraq or under an actual rock. Vintage legal cards like Scavenging Ooze, Chaos Warp, and Flusterstorm caused the price of the original Commander product to go through the roof in the secondary market, forcing obscene inflation of the prices for the product.

Now, with the additions of the previously unprinted Loyal Retainers, the price seems only likely to hike further up the mountain.

There are some logical choices here, and I do wish to recognize that Duplicant and some of the things I was looking for like Sylvan Library are really great.

Still, I can't get over the Diaochan, Artful Beauty reprint. I've tried to make my site a safe place for the youth, but I need to swear here, because this is an outrage.

What The Fuck, Wizards?

I would like to personally guarantee right here and right now, that if I EVER EVER EVER EVER catch any one I see playing this awful card, I will judge you, I will ridicule you, and you will not enjoy playing this card. If you choose to use it to battle me in any multiplayer setting, trolling or not, I will annihilate you- mostly because I don't play red, and can therefore wreck you.

This card is not fun. This card is not good. This card is not worth paying any money for, no matter how rare Portal 3 Kingdoms is. Now here's Obi-Wan who wishes to wash your brain of stupid thoughts.

Diaochan, Artful Beauty- #1 on Vh1's "Worst Reprints EVER."

I have the unfortunate feeling, friends, that our future Commander product will continue to be expensive and difficult to find, which I guess is something we'll have to deal with.

Till then, burn your dumb cards, light your torches, and see what raising hell and pitchforks might due to WotC to handle the horrible inflation problems with Commander Products.

And burn your Diaochans.

-UL.