The Stack #45- Card Name Re-Assignment

After several weeks of vacation, it's time to get back on our weekend routine.

The Stack returns this week with a fun pastime GG and I used to have back when we were playing on the regular- the Nickname game.

Having so many cards in the format means we get the wonderful opportunity to continue to enjoy making new names as well as continuing to keep alive those made-up names from competitive decks of the past.

Nicknaming cards is one of the many ways I'm able to gratify good ones, excite mediocre ones, and convince myself that playing bad ones are totally worth it. They come from all different facets of humor tactics and pop culture, and I tend to think it's a key tactic in helping me to maintain my competitive edge while remaining not too serious.

So we're going to share some of our more recent nomenclature with you. This is it!

GRANDPA GROWTH'S PICK

Grandpa Growth- THUMBS UP
The Convertible Turtle. And really, what else would you even call him? This definitely isn't my favorite nickname, but a good one nonetheless, though this is surely my favorite Turtle. Even as a Pauper-only playable, this is still by far the best Turtle ever printed. Speaking of which, why no love for the Turtle tribe? What's up with that Wizards?

From a flavor perspective this card is total nonsense. A gigantic turtle would not exactly be an effective hunter. In fact there is no way something this big could reasonably survive in a desolate environment like a desert or salt flat. There just isn't enough food. And if anything it would most certainly be an herbivore and thus, there wouldn't be much of a need for all the snapping - the plants don't run away.

I have to confess I am a pretty savage abuser of card nicknames. Understanding my speech during a game of Magic is practically impossible because of all the shortcuts, nicknames, and inside jokes. It's like I am talking in nerd code. My pen name for this very blog is a direct port of a card nickname. Bonus points if you know what it is. Hint: it was featured in the now derelict "Super Secret Sunday" series.

Uncle Landdrops- THUMBS UP
Interesting language for sure, but I like the image evoked a lot more. What would a turtle do with the top down, cruising down the street? Would he look for other chick turtles? Would he feel nervous and naked? I don't know what to do if philosophy and science can't answer my questions.

Anyway, I keep finding myself trying to make "Convertible" and "Turtle" rhyme, but mostly because it makes me feel like a little kid again, bashing action figures together on the floor of my little playroom growing up. That's a little memoir-y, but I kind of have history slingin' Turtle around back in Zenny (slang for Zendikar; be hip even if you aren't folks), when I didn't care about rarity, and lands seemed to drop from the sky whenever I wanted. Now, I have days where I can't seem to hit any lands, and my collection of Calcite Snappers were handed down to my brother.

VENSER'S JOURNALIST'S PICK

Venser's Journalist- THUMBS UP
Call me boring, but I usually refer to Bruna here as "Light of Abra Kadabra." It makes sense, no? She's somewhat of an enchantress, so the name fits the kind of spellcasting/spell inclusion you see in most decks that utilize this angel.

Interestingly, I've never put her at the forefront of a deck. She currently resides in my Rafiq of the Many deck alongside her sister "Sigarda, Crazy Bird Lady."

Uncle Landdrops-  THUMBS UP
I have no problem with malapropism. Mistaking words for other words can be comical, and often hilarious. I like the way words sound, and sometimes changing just one word in a sentence or phrase can be costly, or cause infectious laughter. Just ask the folks who created "Damn You AutoCorrect!"

Anywho, my personal favorite Magic malapropism is "Baklava Reaches," which is what I've learned to affectionately call "Lavaclaw Reaches" because my friends sometimes get dyslexic and have a taste for Greek pastries.

In my neck of the woods though, Bruna is named after her corresponding PowerPuff Girl, Bubbles. I'd printed up the whole squad and presented them to some players in the area with various versions of the team, for fun and local blog networking/marketing. Hopefully, it's paying off.

Grandpa Growth- THUMBS DOWN
Pop culture isn't everyone's strong suit, but it happens to be one that I share with UL. Bruna/o Mars is a much more nickname for this place and time in which we live. Even if you aren't into pop music he did perform at the Superbowl, which is one of the most watched television events of the year, every year.

I wouldn't call someone boring though, that is just rude.

UNCLE LANDDROPS' PICK 

Uncle Landdrops-  THUMBS UP
When I was hanging out with my friends at Theros prerelease, I started calling him, "The Burger King" because of how fun and creepy and worthless this card is. Though he is still a seldom talked about part of Magic for now, the name has stuck and so has an insatiable craving for breakfast every time I talk about it. Or maybe it's... brains?

Grandpa Growth- THUMBS UP
I can definitely see this catching on, although the low playability and general unpopularity of this color combo is likely to limit the infection rate. He even looks like The King. No not Elvis you annoying- SO ANYWAY. I used to love those silly Burger King commercials where The King would run around committing cheeky shenanigans. Too bad Burger King and the Murder King are so awful. Well, at least they have something in common.

Side Note: Why do some activated abilities function in the graveyard and some don't? I am not a big fan of rules, but I truly despise exceptions. Having a case-by-case standard for this type of thing really rubs me the wrong way.

Well, that about wraps 'er up.

If you guys have nicknames, be sure to share them with us in the comments below.

Happy Norse Apocalypse day.

-UL/VJ/GG