We've had another fun past couple of weeks here on The Stack discussing perhaps the most important topic- but let me hold that suspended for a little longer. This one's a doozy.
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| Though I regret to inform you- It's not Ling Wong giving birth. |
WHICH MAGIC CARD WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE ON YOUR SIDE IN A BAR FIGHT?
We made logical picks here. This is an intelligent discussion of the greatest importance, and Veej and Geej and JC all brought their A-games. Again, this isn't Panda Watch, but it's a doozy.
AND THIS IS THE STACK!
VENSER'S JOURNALIST'S PICK
So, in a bar fight, my primary goal is to get the hell out of the bar before things really start getting messy. Any of you who have knowledge of MTG lore and the story of Mirrodin know that Venser has the power to teleport. Ergo, if I have a teleporter dude on my side, I can easily just get out of the bar and get on with my life. Call me chicken, but I honestly have no interest in partaking in an animalistic dispute with drunken oafs.
And one final note: Venser sacrificed himself to help free Karn from the Phyrexians; and in a bar fight, or any fight for that matter, that level of loyalty is a must have in your allies.
Johnny Confidant- THUMBS UP
calling Venser, and the other Planeswalkers to help would be strong allies in a bar. But if were all planeswalkers why cant we just planeswalk away from the bar in the first place? If this is a Bar with a magic barrier that prohibits "walking" away, I'd Fight with a strong ally, or a good distraction.... Squawk..
Uncle Landdrops- THUMBS DOWN
From a barfight standpoint, this card is your do-whatever-you-want-and-get-away-with-it badge. I'm fine with that. From a flavor perspective, and as a character in Magic, I get it, even though this is a pretty obvious VJ pick, and Venser has already given up his life to save another. Hashtag, Da Chronicles of Karn-ia.
I'm unhappy with the lack of abuse of this privilege though. That's part of the reason I've Thumbs-ed it down. Also, I'm not sure how p-dubs rules would work. I have a serious questionnaire about this phenomena.
-If you go unblocked, who are you dealing damage to? And does that mean your opponent wouldn't be fighting back?
-How would you know when you were allowed to start exiling stuff?
-Also, would you have to protect Venser, seeing as he has no P/T?
-If so, wouldn't he actually be more fragile than you?
I'd be curious to know how VJ thinks this would work out.
In the realz I traded my Venser P-Dubs away, and I'm actually not sad about this at all. Not a big fan of this card, and getting any ultimate off in a game that isn't Gideon's means you're probably already winning anyway.
Grandpa Growth-THUMBS UP
I am not one to cry about fairness. Having a pdub on your side probably makes the idea of a bar fight irrelevant, much less the outcome. Especially when that particular pdub can cast Time Warp and Wrath. If there was another planeswalker in the bar things might be different. He is an artificer and slightly less confrontational than his counterparts, which leads me to believe he may not go out much, so he is probably like your workaholic friend who stays in all the time. Rock bottom depth achieved!
GRANDPA GROWTH'S PICK
Grandpa Growth- THUMBS DOWN
I looked through the list of equipment cards because that was my first logical choice. However, I am going to restrict myself to people. People that I could actually bring into the bar with me, so they needed to be humanoid and not so belligerent that they would get kicked out for bad behavior. A guy who turns wolves to sheep seems somewhat useful. I can't shake the feeling that I could've come up with something better (funnier) though...
My runners up: Azorius Arrester (i.e. the cops), Riot Gear/Spikes
Johnny Confidant- THUMBS DOWN
In context of the bar fight, I can see the power of Polyforming people into sheeps as an intimidating act, but the bigger the bar the less effective it can be. But GG has a point here, being able to bring someone or something into the bar that rings no alarms can be an advantage too.
Venser's Journalist- THUMBS UP
Not a bad ally in a bar fight. I personally like the master polymorpher because turning rage-filled drunks into harmless little kittens seems like a legitimate way to finagle one's way to safety. Although, bringing in the Arrester might have been a better choice. Nothing breaks up a fight like the Law.
Uncle Landdrops- THUMBS DOWN
My thought on this subject was based purely on the assumption that the average person would probably be a 1/1 or 2/2 with a static ability, depending on size and athleticism. I don't think anyone, outside of the bigger professional athletes (MMA Fighters, Lineman, Rugby players, Some basketball players) or a sumo wrestler (important distinction), would be breaking the mold. Therefore, seems a little marginal return. Logic is sound, if the assumption is that you're going to always fight someone significantly bigger than you.
In actual Magic land, this is a card I've recently purchased for fun. Not sure if it's going into a deck yet, but ya never know. I have a Sorceress Queen I want to play too.
JOHNNY CONFIDANT'S PICK
In a bar, surrounded with wizards there is but one spell i would conjure to deal with all my foes. I would need something devastating and brutal, Quick and horrifying.
A Carnivorous Death-Parrot is my spell of choice. he'd look harmless until the time to strike is near. Mainly because he's a comically deadly parrot. Granted this card isn't to be taken seriously due to it being from an "Un" set, but I feel that reflecting on fights can be somewhat comical in hindsight and this captures that essence.
In flavor with the fight and this effect i'd have to continuously warn people with a "careful, he bites".
Uncle Landdrops- THUMBS UP
I like this for the "Monty Python-ness," and inherent card flavor. Strategy's logical. I mean, none of us were gonna walk in with a Grizzly Bear on a chain. With CDP, JC can kind of do that. Not my cup o' tea, but I don't drink that much Darjeeling.
Grandpa Growth -THUMBS DOWN
If you are grisly old pirate captain with a bird on your shoulder I may not want to directly mess with you, but in a world of giant monsters, every kind of magic you can imagine, and enchanted weapons...a regular bird, mean or not, isn't going to do a whole lot.
Venser's Journalist- THUMBS UP, SQUAWK
Parrots are cool to have in bar fights. They work as excellent distraction while you grab a barstool or great backup since they can look behind you while you focus on what's in front of you. Train your birds to say badass lines and you might just win a bar fight out of sheer awesomeness.
UNCLE LANDDROPS' PICK
I've been meditating on this one for like a week and a half, because all things being real, I don't think any of us are likely to instigate a fight.
Which is why, if I were to find myself in a compromising situation like this, I'd like to be Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting. Click it if you haven't seen it. Cause I'm not gonna run away. If I get in a fight, I get in a fight, but Plan A is to own the aggressor with my "wicked smahts."
But I'd want to go deeper, finding all the under-thought-thoughts and inspiration I wouldn't have otherwise. Hopefully, I'd be able to come with a non-Guinness related "Brilliant! Ultimatum" for my foe.
Also- I figure if things go south, playing on my momentary genius will either aid me in a fight, or help me get away. My second place choice was an Eternal Witness. Cause it would be nice to have someone who'd testify on my behalf if my plan backfired.
Johnny Confidant- THUMBS DOWN
This is a heavy spell to cast, and I'd imagine it would take some time to conjure up the mana ties in order to net the effect. It seems more defensive as a confusion spell than an offensive one. Perhaps this was UL's plan all along.... I'm already confused haha.
Grandpa Growth- THUMBS UP
Let's take a journey...to the intersection of Mechanics Avenue and Flavor Street. Getting extra cards off the top of your library is sometimes used to represent prescience; e.g. Future Sight. Sometimes it represents having a new idea; e.g. Inspiration. I am imagining that real life Brilliant Ultimatum would be the equivalent of your first five ideas just HAPPENING, for better or worse. Imaginative, psychopathic, spiritual, mundane. You might get a hot dog...OR the dream vacation spot you have been thinking about might overlay the physical reality of the bar. Speaking of physical reality what if you thought of a world with no (insert concept/material necessary for fights and bars to exist simultaneously). What if the muse spoke of the ultimate expression of peace on earth and good will to men? It would be kind of lame to say the least. This is like the Green Lantern's ring of power, except juiced by impulse instead of concentration. The consequences could be severe.
Venser's Journalist- ONE THUMB UP, ONE THUMB DOWN
Smarts can win you a fight. If you were in a bar full of college professors and other academics. Which if that were the case, the only fights being started would be carefully conducted debates. It's easy to outsmart someone with a two-digit IQ, but is it fun? Not really. Just say something that the oaf won't even comprehend and walk away.
Remember to be sure to tell us what card you'd pick to cast in a bar fight.
Until then, remember- if you ever find yourselves in the throes of a vicious cockfight, just throw your trident and walk away.
UL, to answer your questions, this is what I've surmised:
ReplyDeleteVenser's unblockability would basically mean that the opponent would be helpless to stop the blow. No putting up your arms to block a stool being thrown, no grabbing your fist to redirect the punch. Sort of like a stun, if you will.
As far as exiling goes, I say that loyalty counters would be equal to how much the planeswalker likes you. If you're duking it out with Venser and he likes your moves, he can start exiling stuff to 1-up you, in a friendly showboating kind of way. If you never get his back and let him take punches, he'll say, "Screw you, I'm outta here" and leave the bar.
Which brings me to power/toughness. Let's say that his power and toughness are set at a 1/2, since he's a man of average build, but probably doesn't go to the gym often. Loyalty has nothing to do with power/toughness; it is just how good of friends you are. And that will be determined by how you help Venser fight off enemies. Generally, good allies in a bar have each others' back. You don't have to defend him, but if you don't he might get offended.
Furthermore, power and toughness in a barfight wouldn't equate to p/t in MTG. In a bar, a little 1/2 can easily grab a chair and knock out a big 3/3. Maybe that should be a new MTG block: "Bar Brawls of Mirrodin"...
-VJ