The Stack #39- Unpopular Voltron-ification

In popular Voltron-ification, we know that the Defender of the Universe was formed by combining the powers of five mechanical cats with different paint jobs.

And popular Commander Voltron-ification really isn't that much different. Most victories are made on the backs of colored Swords and powerful Auras.

But as always, we salute those who make their own legendary Megazord with a multitude of different colored Power Rangers (This is a more relevant reference than its 80's cartoon counterpart). Like, I know I would've loved to see not only how the Brown Brontosaurus Ranger would've fit into the team dynamic, but also what his ethnic background might've been.

Red Ranger = Native American
Black Ranger = African American
Yellow Ranger = Asian American
(Not Pictured: White Ranger = White Guy)
Three's a pattern folks. Four is a theory.
Logic holds up, the Brown Ranger might've been Cuban.

And that's kind of what this episode is about. Assembling your own strange, unconventional team with diverse skills and backgrounds to defeat the forces that some idiot unleashed when they made the fatal mistake of opening up the wrong alien space dumpster. Or something like that.

THIS IS THE STACK!

JOHNNY CONFIDANT'S PICK

Johnny Confidant-  THUMBS UP
During my first year playing EDH I was playing against a Voltron deck that just got out of control and it was all thanks to this little card.

At the time I was playing my Sigarda deck and had a solid board state with plenty of blockers. When I faced this deck (I think it was Glissa T) they slapped this on it without even looking at it. I blocked it with my Predator Ooze only to be surprised that I had just lost every other creature on the field. Since then, I make sure to watch what effects my opponents creatures have and what abilities are added to them with Equipment.

Uncle Landdrops- THUMBS UP
No doubt Kusari-Gama is hot tech with Glissa T's. I'll probably try this out at some point in my own build, but I'll admit I have some reservations.

Across most of my decks, I try to drive the converted mana cost down. Although this has a nice, reasonable 3 in the top right corner, Kusari-Gama doesn't actually cost 3 to play. It costs 3 to play, 3 to equip, and the converted mana cost of a creature. 6-plus. Six is about as far as I like to go for most cards in a deck, but with equipment, this is a little too much. With the Swords of X and Y as the standard, something that costs more than 2 to equip has to be really, really good. Cards like Batterskull, which usually don't get equipped, and Quietus Spike, which represents a lot of damage, are equipment I'd consider.

Grandpa Growth - THUMBS DOWN
This is not really my cup of tea. I always have big stacks of equipment that I am trying to jam into my decks. It's hard to imagine a board state in basically any Commander deck, where you wouldn't benefit from a Jitte or Sword on your side. The trouble is that there just isn't room in a tight deck list for a bunch of situational cards like Equipment. So that means only the best of the best are going to make the cut and Kusari-Gama is not one of those cards.

Also, why are we going on about Glissa decks? The Kusari-Gama does not have Deathtouch. People generally won't want to block Glissa because racing is more feasible than chumping your way to victory. You want to slam this on something that has a ton of power and that they must block...but even then it isn't worth doing.


Venser's Journalist- THUMBS UP
This equipment means business and the damage it does is devastating, but I do have to agree with UL that it is rather costly. You could certainly have this on the field at turn three, but you'd have to wait another turn to equip. Unless you're playing some sick land ramp. And if this was in a Glissa T deck, I'd expect at least a little ramp here and there.

My "Thumbs Up" here is really only situational, but this is still an awesome equipment that does big stupid damage. Truly a Michael Bay type of card. Who's punching who? Who cares!?


UNCLE LANDDROPS' PICK 

Uncle Landdrops-  THUMBS UP
I've played this in a couple different decks, and it's pretty sweet.

Many times playing a Voltron strategy means you've got your Commander attacking and not doing a lot of defending (unless it's Bruna). Triclopean Sight is a helpful trick in this situation. It almost always means you can get rid of or block your opponent's biggest creature with your own buffed up dude. The best deck I had it in was Pauper Zur, where racing was pretty commonplace, and I could tutor this up after tapping Zur to attack.

As mentioned, this is redundant for Bruna, but good for "fun" Zur decks and pretty sweet in an Ertai the Corrupted Enchantment Voltron, where Triclopean Sight is a slightly more complicated counterspell.

Grandpa Growth- THUMBS UP
'Voltroning' is not the proper term. It is obviously Voltronification. It is robot unification guys...come on. Also, this card is sweet...AND I HAVE NEVER SEEN IT! I have even retro-drafted Lorwyn recently! It always seems like at least one card slips through the cracks. The way print runs get broken down is just so unpredictably predictable. I will soon be using this for some Pauper beatings.

Venser's Journalist- THUMBS UP
Personally, one of my favorite common Enchantments, aside from Steel of the Godhead. I like this for pretty much the same reasons that UL mentioned, but also because it does three things for two mana. Now that is efficient Voltroning (or Voltronification, for the politically correct).

Johnny Confidant- THUMBS UP
Since we're all discussing Voltron(ification) in regard to Enchantments shouldn't it be Enchantress ([Male] Enchanter) and Voltron in theme with Equipment?

This card though, love it and have never seen it. this is going into my vault and i'll draw upon this for a future decklist.

VENSER'S JOURNALIST'S PICK

Venser's Journalist- THUMBS UP
The "Thumbs Up" is really only for originality. Though I can see how regenerating a creature for no mana can be appealing, everything about this card is bewildering. Even in the game I saw someone play this, the move was pure left-field tech. I don't remember what commander the player was using, but no one was really sure what to make of it.

Regardless, it kept his Master of Cruelties alive long enough to bring one of the other players down to one life total.

Johnny Confidant- THUMBS DOWN
This is an oddball aura, Flash, Lifeloss, and regen for free is quite alot to take in even from a flavor standpoint. For leeches i understand the lifeloss but i'm not too sure on flash and regeneration, Surly a Cheetah would have flash but 70mph leeches?

Regeneration in flavor of black is about being able to either re-assemble your body or pull yourself together through unholy or dark magic to which leeches are not really in line with. True, this is an oddball card and i agree with VJ about for Originality, but i am not a fan of the flavor.

Uncle Landdrops-  THUMBS UP
I can't remember if I actually played this in Doran, or if I just considered it, but I would play it. There are a few nice little Black Auras that were pretty successful, and this is one that I liked quite a bit. The art on this I find to have a really nice blend of creepy, gross, and innocent. Poor little Geisha. I hope to read more about this in your memoirs.

Grandpa Growth- THUMBS DOWN
This is an awfully strange topic, I am still going to use the strategy of: thumbs up if I'd start it in some version of Commander, but that could just be plain unfair since this topic is basically 'sketchiest tech that is also an aura'. This card...seems like a lot to invest just to get regeneration. I don't really give people credit for trying to win with 'hipster tech', but I also don't complain if I lose to it. Good thing you could probably count the games that this card has won on a single hand.

GRANDPA GROWTH'S PICK

Grandpa Growth- THUMBS DOWN
I had this in an early draft of my Bruna deck that included 40+ enchantments. I am not always great at this game. BUT I am a learning animal. I am proud to say I only put this into play once before revising my deck list and my drinking habits.

Johnny Confidant- THUMBS DOWN
I'm seeing a kind of a unintentional "Flavor Foul" theme going on here. I give a lot of leeway to early magic sets, especially to those before block sets and constructed balance were implemented. So I'll just pretend this is a Red Enchantment and continue with the evaluation.

I agree with GG on this, You'd have to be drunk to drop this into any deck, even enchantment builds. You get +3/+3 for a turn then it starts to sap away your creatures power, after 3 turns your opponents won't blow it up but then it starts to sap away your creatures buffs and/or real power. If you want a more obvious sign that this is just a really bad card I'm sure UL can Photoshop in the troll face for you XD.

Venser's Journalist- THUMBS DOWN
I have seen this card only once in a more offensive play. The controller attached it to a Darksteel Colossus. It wasn't a smart move, nor was it terribly effective, and the more I think about the person who attached it to the Colossus, the more I realize it was probably meant as a joke.

As for this card being used as a voltron component, I'd say the person using it has to be mindful that he may eventually lose the creature or get rid of the enchantment (so why use the enchantment in the first place?).  Maybe good for a Putrefax or any other one-turn-only dudes.

Uncle Landdrops- THUMBS DOWN
I know it's bad, but when you're already making the bad decision to play Hakim, Loreweaver, well, you just kinda go with it. So I've played it too. There aren't a lot of solid blue Aura options for pumps.

Surprisingly, this card wasn't the worst part of the deck, but it was up there for sure. The good news was that I could avoid the drawback through bounce and sacrifice. But it surely wasn't good.

That's all we got for today folks. Make sure to stay on the same bat channel for tomorrow. Grandpa's got some good stuff as we continue to review our own reviews throughout the year. Also, we'll be coming at you through the holidays, and hopefully resuming our Tuesday-Thursday-Saturday-Sunday routine as we get to the new year. So continue to check back with us, and have a good holiday.

Until next time, Merry Christma-Hanu-Kwanzaa.
-UL/GG/VJ/JC